Waking Up in an Empty Nest

I still can't believe it.

Welcome to today’s issue of Fullness of Joy. Most Saturdays, I send out a newsletter you can read in just a few minutes. Would you be willing to click the ❤️ like button? It helps others find my work. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Hi friend,

I have news.

After 38 1/2 years of parenting, Russ and I woke up to an empty nest.

Before going to bed the night before, I loaded a few stray dishes in the dishwasher, wiped the counters once more, and for the first time in many years, turned off the light over the kitchen sink. For years, I’ve left it on for kids coming home late or wandering into the kitchen for a snack after we’d gone to bed.

Amazingly, I came down the stairs the next morning to find the kitchen exactly as I’d left it.

The last three months have seen our three youngest take big steps toward their futures and adult lives.

Claire (who hasn’t lived at home for several years) started medical school.

Wogayu enrolled at the University of Idaho and joined a fraternity.

And just last Wednesday, Ebenezer shipped out with the Army.

So many things are happening in our family. Last week:

Saturday: We celebrated Annarose and Armando, who are having their first baby in January. We’re very excited to have a grandchild less than two hours away!

Sunday: We had a going-away party for Ebenezer, with most of our family here celebrating him. That evening, Russ and I helped him with some final packing.

Monday: Eby’s recruiter picked him up. After he left, I stood in his bedroom and felt the emptiness of it. It hit me that he’ll never live at home again. My chest felt heavy, and I felt anxious. It took me a moment to realize it was grief. I know that feeling all too well.

Tuesday: Russ and I went to Spokane for Ebenezer’s swearing-in ceremony. When we said goodbye, I got very choked up as I hugged him and my tears seemed to surprise him. After we got home, I knew I either needed to curl up on the sofa or take a walk, so I hauled myself to the car and drove to the Arboretum. Just as I arrived, my oldest daughter called, and I talked through my tears as I walked. It was exactly what I needed.

Wednesday, Eby shipped out.

Saturday, I got a quick call from him and he sent a picture of himself in uniform. He looks great, and it was so good to hear his voice.

The military is a brand new experience for us, and the learning curve is steep. I’ve joined two Facebook groups for family members. Thankfully, one of my closest friends is a veteran, and she is guiding and encouraging me. This is nothing like sending a kid to college—we don’t choose when we’ll see him or talk with him. And he can’t decide it’s not for him and come home.

The Army is a very big commitment—and an incredible opportunity for Ebenezer.

He started talking with the recruiter 16 months ago. A lot of conversations and many hours of prayer went into the decision. Every time we thought it might not work out, the Lord opened a door and Ebenezer took the next step.

We’re very proud of him—a little scared, but very proud.

Parents, our kids all have different skills and different paths. We have to be flexible in our thinking and planning, supporting them even when it looks different from what we expected or different from their siblings.

Being flexible and open to God’s plans for our kids is essential.

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I’m making final preparations for speaking at the Replanted Conference in Chicago this week. I’ll be offering a pre-conference workshop and a breakout session, both focused on overcoming blocked care. I’m also presenting a keynote on Friday.

If you’re at Replanted, please say hello!

You won’t hear from me next weekend, but I’ll try to post some pictures on my Instagram.

After Chicago, I’ll be home six days and then off to Fullness of Joy! If you’re an adoptive, foster, or kinship mom in need of rest, laughter, and encouragement, we have room for you in Fullness of Joy retreat #8. Let’s hang out in our pajamas and have coffee together!

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Enough about me, I want to hear from you.

Questions for you:

• Any big transitions or changes for your family?

• Any other empty-nesters out there?

• Anybody with kids in the military? (All advice welcome!)

Just like in the old blogging days, we can share right here in the comments. This space can be a slice of beauty in the world.

I’d love to hear from you. Please leave a comment or just say hello!

Thank you for reading and being one of my people. Please share this with a friend.

With love and hope,

Lisa

P.S. If you’re looking for a community of moms who understand, join me in the Hope Circle, the kindest place for adoptive, foster, and kinship moms.