1. One thing that gave me joy was meeting with my 2 sons studying in the US and taking one to register at his new university. It was a wonderful time of being together.
2. One thing I want to do is bring my family to a conference our missions organization is organizing. It's been 5 years since we've had one and we're all looking forward to being together at the beach!
3. Reading what you, Lisa, have written about grief, acknowledging it exists, and talking to God about it has really helped me grieve. I took in kids to give them a forever family. Now 19 years later some don't even talk to each other and feel they never had a family and never will. It's heartbreaking to me to see the way they treat each other. It's so different from the family I grew up in and so different from the way I hoped it would be. I cry about it and talk to God about it and am encouraged dwelling on the fact that God is still at work in each of their lives.
Kathleen, this is the hard part - it's so different from the way we hoped it would be. Yes, I feel that so keenly too. I find myself releasing my children and my family from my clenched fists into the Lord's loving arms. He has them. He knows what they need for healing and wholeness. And He knows the longing of our hearts for something beautiful.
I'm also reminded that some of my kids may feel this as well, life is so different than they imagined.
Something that has brought me great joy this summer and brought healing as well in the wake of things just not turning out as hoped is the simple pausing and listening to the sound of the wind in the leaves and the cicadas in the bushes and the tree frogs calling and perhaps even an owl or a coyote or a snorting deer. After a long day, the simple sounds of nature have become a backing track for gratefulness and the simple action of intentionally listening gives my brain something relaxing and grounding to do while I rest and let God minister to my heart.
Thank you for this. After a summer at home with all the kids, my heart for my most challenging kid has grown weary. The child who has come such a long way but is hardwired to fight and has such a long way to go. Realizing after 18 months in our care, that this will be the reality for many years to come. This is the same child I was convinced I would never experience blocked care with because of our bond and affection, which I am ashamed to admit is no longer the case. This trauma parenting thing is hard. And there are many days I don't feel cut out for it.
1) Our youngest moving towards adoption and allowing myself to feel joy over that.
2) It's summer most of the year here (ha!) but hoping to get a few more splash pad trips in with the kids.
3)Lately, being able to recognize grief for what it is. It often takes me a long time to realize there is even something to grieve (when it's not as obvious as death). Therapy is helping with that.
Stacey, learning about ambiguous loss has been very helpful to me. It's a loss that isn't associated with the death of someone you love, but it's still a loss and needs to be grieved. And you're so right, trauma parenting is very hard. Taking good care of yourself is vital.
1. One thing that gave me joy is reading All Creatures Great and Small" to the kids still in my homeschool. They are in high school, but I stuck in the day to read a chapter a day. They are laughing at it and really enjoying a fun book. It was such a great memory from my young years it is fun to share it.
2. We traveled more than we expected this summer and that was really fun. However, we are planning one more local trip on Monday. Just a few loose plans, a cooler packed with food, and our favorite Chinese Restaurant at the end of the day. I think it will be a great way to end the summer vibes.
3. Experiences of grief -- they just come in waves. There are times when these don't enter my emotional landscape and then a wave seems to come crashing over my head. Just like my kids -- it's some trigger that sets me gulping for air. I pray. I remember the truth of what was good. I have also been thinking lately about how necessary it is for me to release my expectations to God. I never thought that any of my grown children would choose no relationship with me -- or even minimal or surface. I was surprised, but I expected a certain way and that is not how it is. It has helped me to realize that accepting reality is better than nursing my expectations. I know that God is not just working in my children's lives -- He is also working in mine.
1. One thing that gave me joy was meeting with my 2 sons studying in the US and taking one to register at his new university. It was a wonderful time of being together.
2. One thing I want to do is bring my family to a conference our missions organization is organizing. It's been 5 years since we've had one and we're all looking forward to being together at the beach!
3. Reading what you, Lisa, have written about grief, acknowledging it exists, and talking to God about it has really helped me grieve. I took in kids to give them a forever family. Now 19 years later some don't even talk to each other and feel they never had a family and never will. It's heartbreaking to me to see the way they treat each other. It's so different from the family I grew up in and so different from the way I hoped it would be. I cry about it and talk to God about it and am encouraged dwelling on the fact that God is still at work in each of their lives.
Kathleen, this is the hard part - it's so different from the way we hoped it would be. Yes, I feel that so keenly too. I find myself releasing my children and my family from my clenched fists into the Lord's loving arms. He has them. He knows what they need for healing and wholeness. And He knows the longing of our hearts for something beautiful.
I'm also reminded that some of my kids may feel this as well, life is so different than they imagined.
Something that has brought me great joy this summer and brought healing as well in the wake of things just not turning out as hoped is the simple pausing and listening to the sound of the wind in the leaves and the cicadas in the bushes and the tree frogs calling and perhaps even an owl or a coyote or a snorting deer. After a long day, the simple sounds of nature have become a backing track for gratefulness and the simple action of intentionally listening gives my brain something relaxing and grounding to do while I rest and let God minister to my heart.
Joy, being silent and still enough to hear the sounds of nature all around you sounds lovely. Thank you for sharing this
Thank you for this. After a summer at home with all the kids, my heart for my most challenging kid has grown weary. The child who has come such a long way but is hardwired to fight and has such a long way to go. Realizing after 18 months in our care, that this will be the reality for many years to come. This is the same child I was convinced I would never experience blocked care with because of our bond and affection, which I am ashamed to admit is no longer the case. This trauma parenting thing is hard. And there are many days I don't feel cut out for it.
1) Our youngest moving towards adoption and allowing myself to feel joy over that.
2) It's summer most of the year here (ha!) but hoping to get a few more splash pad trips in with the kids.
3)Lately, being able to recognize grief for what it is. It often takes me a long time to realize there is even something to grieve (when it's not as obvious as death). Therapy is helping with that.
Stacey, learning about ambiguous loss has been very helpful to me. It's a loss that isn't associated with the death of someone you love, but it's still a loss and needs to be grieved. And you're so right, trauma parenting is very hard. Taking good care of yourself is vital.
1. One thing that gave me joy is reading All Creatures Great and Small" to the kids still in my homeschool. They are in high school, but I stuck in the day to read a chapter a day. They are laughing at it and really enjoying a fun book. It was such a great memory from my young years it is fun to share it.
2. We traveled more than we expected this summer and that was really fun. However, we are planning one more local trip on Monday. Just a few loose plans, a cooler packed with food, and our favorite Chinese Restaurant at the end of the day. I think it will be a great way to end the summer vibes.
3. Experiences of grief -- they just come in waves. There are times when these don't enter my emotional landscape and then a wave seems to come crashing over my head. Just like my kids -- it's some trigger that sets me gulping for air. I pray. I remember the truth of what was good. I have also been thinking lately about how necessary it is for me to release my expectations to God. I never thought that any of my grown children would choose no relationship with me -- or even minimal or surface. I was surprised, but I expected a certain way and that is not how it is. It has helped me to realize that accepting reality is better than nursing my expectations. I know that God is not just working in my children's lives -- He is also working in mine.